ChaosMatrix

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

“That will be $9.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again andthe man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

“The usual asks the waitress?”

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

“Excuse me, sir.

How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right… Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say..”

Here’s the Earthcam they use:
http://www.earthcam.com/usa/newyork/timessquare/

Here’s the Youtube search for “earthcam troll”.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=earthcam+troll&aq=f

This looks hysterically yummy. Probably kill you with the sugary hangover the next day…
http://mixthatdrink.com/skittles-vodka-tutorial/

I rear ended a midget with my car today.

He got out and said “I am not happy”.

So then I said, “Well than which dwarf are you?”

Why do midgets always laugh when they run through grass?

It tickles their balls…

Well, I finally did it. Got my old wordpress site moved over, and now it’s time to update it with all the content I have laying around. Some things may not work 100%, and I’m fairly certain many of the static links to internal pages in the site got borked when I imported everything, but such is life on the internet, right?

Now, to shuffle through ALL this content and get it done right…

*sigh*

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate….
Read more

2# Salmon Filet, divided into 6 parts
2 tsp white pepper, crushed
1/4 c frozen apple-mango-passion fruit juice concentrate
1 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
1/4 c coarse dijon mustard
3 tsp McIlhenny’s tabasco (use the green if you can find it)
1 lemon
3 tsp chopped dill

Get the grill nice and hot. Rinse the salmon, brush both sides lightly
with olive oil and sprinkle on pepper (again, both sides). In a small
bowl, mix together everything except the dill and lemon. Toss the
steaks on the grill, skin down (duh) and rearrange them after about
15-20 seconds to prevent them from sticking and disintegrating. Cook
for about 3 minutes, flip, and drizzle or brush on the sauce mixture.
After another 3 to 4 minutes, flip and add the remaining sauce. Give it
one more flip and another minute at most and you;re done.

I think this recipe goes well with Corn & Black Bean Salad

Read more